Thursday, January 20, 2011
A Perfect Brightness of Hope
Before taking down the Christmas tree I snapped one last shot of my favorite ornament. A sparkly reminder that there is hope smiling brightly before us. I loved the shot and thought it was a great reminder of my little motto for the year. It was very unfortunate what happened next. Of all the ornaments carefully laid just out of Dolly's reach, somehow she managed to grasp just this one. Before I could stop her, she chewed it right in half. Hope was lost. Hope was broken. Little bits of silver glitter and pieces of hope were scattered across the floor. I thought it quite significant and have pondered on it for several days.
Lately Young Women's seems to demand every ounce of strength and energy I have. Last night's activity was utterly disastrous. An attempt to learn a pioneer skill, butter-making, ended in whipping cream strewn about the room and all over the youth and leaders. Who knew the Young Men could shake a jar so vigorously it would break right in half? Some found it humorous, those covered in sour smelling cream, not so much. That was actually the least of the problems. Nothing seemed to go very well.
After dropping the girls off and returning home, I finally let myself acknowledge the severe pain I was in. Baking and handling glutenous biscuit dough was not a wise idea. I was extremely sick. The kind of sick you question if you need to rush to the emergency room or not. It wasn't good. As I lay awake most of the night, miserably trying to find relief, my mind thought upon broken hearts, broken shards of glass, and broken pieces of hope.
I questioned what I can possibly do to help things run smoother in my calling. I pondered on the heavy burdens and needs of the young women I have stewardship over. I questioned if I will ever be able to keep up with the demands of a busy life and calling. I questioned if I will ever be well enough to have children. You name it, I agonized about it. When you don't feel well, hope can seem more dim at times. It seemed as though my hope was shattered in a thousand pieces on the floor, just like the ornament and jar of cream.
I finally found rest and comfort. My body will need a few days to recover, but it's already feeling much better thankfully! As I stood washing dishes, the early morning sun filled the kitchen and my heart with radiant light. Through prayer and scripture study, the Savior stood with me, helping me pick up the pieces and restoring hope. The trials haven't changed, but hope stands brightly before me, letting me know that things will be okay.
"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:18–20).